The Moment Infertility Taught Me Life Lessons

I never thought this would be our story.

I truly never even knew what infertility was until I was trenches deep in it. Infertility has impacted every single part of my life ( my marriage, my friendships, my job, my walk with the Lord). No part of life has gone unscathed, yet I’m learning. I’m learning lessons I never would have otherwise, and even though each day is still a lesson to be learned, I want to share what infertility has taught me thus far.

Lesson One: God didn’t give us infertility, but He will use it.

Until I found Caroline Harris and Moms in the Making, I didn’t know that truth. I constantly wondered why God gave us infertility. I questioned what I did wrong. I contemplated why God was punishing us, but all of those are lies. He doesn’t give us infertility, but He sure will use it.

I try to think about what my life would have been like if I would have gotten pregnant in my time. Yes, I wouldn’t have to experience days of infertility hurt and hardships, but there would have been so many blessings I would have missed out on. First, I wouldn’t be teaching Kindergarten again. If I would have gotten pregnant in April 2017, I would have quit my third grade job at Elyria and been a stay-at-home mom. Yet, God has lead me to teach Kindergarten at Eisenhower, and even though there are some really tough days, I know teaching is a part of who I was created to be.

Also, I wouldn’t have had as much time to serve in the church. During these last three years, I have taught multiple Sunday school classes, helped with VBS, and taught and helped with AWANA. Service is where you think you are blessing others when in fact they are truly blessing you.

Lastly, I wouldn’t have met all my Moms in the Making ladies! These women have sowed into me just as much as I into them. They encourage, minister, and love on me, and I couldn’t have asked for a greater blessing. They make this journey bearable as we bear our crosses together.

Lesson Two: Not all women get pregnant easily.

This truth stings a bit, knowing just how naive I was. Before I was soaked in tears from negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, I didn’t even know infertility was a thing. I was completely guilty of asking couples when they were going to start a family. (Side note: Please stop asking that.)

My husband even put out an April Fools joke out the first year of our marriage saying we were pregnant. I know, completely cringeworthy! I didn’t know anyone walking through it, and I truly thought the moment you had sex you got pregnant. Maybe that theory came from my Christian background where celibacy is encouraged or maybe from the Mean Girls quote, “Don’t have sex! You will get pregnant and die!” Either way, I was taught, You have sex. You get pregnant. And I learned quickly that is not the case.

Lesson Three: You don’t know everything someone is walking through.

My husband and I are very public with our fertility journey, but I know of many couples who are quietly walking this path. That being said there are many people in your life who you don’t see their full picture. Your co-workers, the person behind the counter, a complete stranger, maybe even your family and friends. It might not be infertility, but a sickness, money problems, relationship issues. Everyone has a struggle and that’s why we need more grace. Grace for each other and grace for ourselves.

Lesson Four: It’s ok to say, “No.”

Honestly, sometimes I say, “I’m busy” when I’m not, because I just can’t handle being around another pregnant woman or with other peoples’ kids. I’ve learned it’s ok to unfollow people on Facebook and Instagram. I’ve learned that my emotions are valid too, and even though I am truly happy and joyful for others, it still stings, and I’ve learned to be ok with that. I’ve learned about events and places that trigger me, and I’ve learned I can say, “No.” It’s ok if I can’t handle a baby shower, but just send a gift instead. I can care and delight in their blessing, while having boundaries for myself, too.

Lesson Five: We won’t understand everything this side of Heaven.

This is a lesson I continually am learning, but yes, there are many things I don’t understand. I can’t make sense of why the woman who is going to have an abortion gets a baby and I don’t. I can’t apprehend why the mother with seven kids who can’t feed one of them is pregnant again and I’m not. I can’t explain why I was born with a wacky uterus, but my sister got pregnant easily with triplets. Even though I see good in my journey, yes, there are many things I can’t grasp, but that’s where faith comes in.

Hebrews 11: 1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

All those things and many others, I feel content in not knowing. I’m not going to get it all. I’m not going to have all the answers, but I still have faith. Faith knowing that even though I don’t see it, even though I don’t get it, God will come through on His promise, and our children will come.